Yes, I am Married: My Life as a "Slut Wife"

OK the title of this blog post is me being facetious and hyperbolic. Slut Wife is a porn term and if anything I’m a whore wife, not a slut wife. That being said, I actually am married and have been since before I began this career! I am non-monogamous, or as some people call it polyamorous. I used to use that label but I stopped liking it as much because I began to associate polyamory with rules, and I hate rules.

My partner who I live with and share tax breaks and health insurance with has been my best friend for 11 years now, and we’ve been common law married for 9 of those years. When I decided I wanted to try professional companionship he was actually one of my biggest supporters! We had already been living the polyam life for about 5 years at that point, and one of the things has always loved most about me is my compassion. When I told him I was heavily considering the career change, he thought it was likely to be a perfect fit!

One thing I don’t like being asked is “oh, so your husband is ok with you doing this?” It implies that I belong to him and that he has to approve of all my decisions, which I don’t and he doesn’t. For me, being a supportive partner equals being honest about what you think about your partner’s decisions, but also never ever telling them what to do. I expect the same from my partners in return.

The question also implies that because I am married to him, he would be the only partner who cares about the decisions I make. I also have a girlfriend who I’ve been with about 5 years now, and while she would never try to make decisions for me she does care an equal amount. That’s what partners do, no matter your official relationship status in the eyes of the law and government. Or at least that’s what I believe!

My life has always been unconventional, and non-monogamy has been one aspect of that. I like to be open about the fact that I have partners with my clients because I want to fight the stigma and false idea that companions are lonely and unlovable. We all have different ways we relate to relationships, and different policies about what we will and won’t share with clients. Some companions are in monogamous relationships and don’t share that fact with clients, preferring to be seen as single. Others are single, and may or may not be looking for a relationship and may or may not share that with clients for numerous reasons. Many companions I know are non-monogamous like me, but I’ll never tell you their relationship status unless I know they’re open about it.

I think the most important thing to remember about your companion friends and whatever sort of relationships they might be in outside of work is this: ultimately, time spent with them is time spent between you and them alone, and precious for that reason. Don’t waste that time thinking about them with others! Unless of course you’re seeing more than one companion at once, our sharing a session with your partner! Which of course I would highly recommend.