Choose Your Own Sex-Venture, Or: Orgasms are Not Necessary for Good Sex

I’d like to start this post out by confessing something: I orgasm easily, on my own & during partner sex, but I do not orgasm hard easily. Not everyone experiences a full spectrum of orgasm, but I am someone who does— I often describe it as going down a staircase or various levels in a dungeon, if you will. When I am having partner sex, I am likely to have a 1-3 levels down orgasm when they do clitoral stimulation on me. I have, on occasion, had orgasms from penetration alone, which I would put in the same 1-3 level category. At times, partners have been able to get me to levels further down with clitoral stim, and I am often able to get myself to very deep dungeon levels of orgasm with a combination of penetration and myself doing the clitoral stimulation. However, in order to experience a level 10 or 11 orgasm, I need a vibrator. Those are usually the orgasms that make me squirt, though I have had some partners (like 2 in my life, don’t get too excited) who have been able to make me squirt with their hand on my g-spot. I’m actually not really a big fan of that method, though! It’s kind of rough on my pussy.

(However, if you’re interested in seeing it happen the one time it was caught on film, you can purchase that clip here or here. I did have soreness the next day but it was worth it!)

Now that I’ve got your attention with all these intimate, salacious details and porn links I have another confession: my orgasms are not important to me when it comes to partner sex, and if someone can’t “make me cum” I don’t think any less of their sexual prowess. In fact, how do I put this delicately… if your main goal in a sexual encounter with me is my orgasm(s), that’s a lot of pressure and not really sexy! It’s probably not less likely to make me cum, because as I stated that’s pretty easy. But it is less likely to make me have one of those more elusive hard orgasms.

A recent study
showed that while men tend to say they’re interested in making their female partners orgasm for egalitarian reasons, the real reasons behind this desire had more to do with their perceived masculinity and ego. Believe me, I totally get it: I absolutely love the rush of making someone cum, as well. It’s validating! It’s affirming. It’s a wonderful thing to share with others. But you know, it’s just not gonna happen every time, with everyone.

Every sexual experience is unique. Feels like an obvious statement, but when it comes to our expectations around sex I think many people fall into the trap of expecting everyone to have the same sexual responses, the same things that turn them on, the same reaction to touch or dirty talk or roleplay or costumes. Even if you have sex with the same person for years upon years, you won’t have the same experience with them every time. And take it from me: the responses of your sex partner will change over the years. Their interest will ebb and flow, and their sexual response and orgasms will as well. With all this in mind, the best advice I can give to anyone who is looking to “make” their partners cum is to back off the idea that you will be the one to do it, and try collaborating instead. Some of my best sexual experiences involved multiple, hard, squirting orgasms for me. Conversely, I have whole other sets of amazing sexual experiences that involved no orgasms for me. One thing they all had in common, though:

No pressure on me, or my partner(s), to have any particular response. Sex is best when you let go and just enjoy the company of friends and the pleasure of touch!

Yes, I am Married: My Life as a "Slut Wife"

OK the title of this blog post is me being facetious and hyperbolic. Slut Wife is a porn term and if anything I’m a whore wife, not a slut wife. That being said, I actually am married and have been since before I began this career! I am non-monogamous, or as some people call it polyamorous. I used to use that label but I stopped liking it as much because I began to associate polyamory with rules, and I hate rules.

My partner who I live with and share tax breaks and health insurance with has been my best friend for 11 years now, and we’ve been common law married for 9 of those years. When I decided I wanted to try professional companionship he was actually one of my biggest supporters! We had already been living the polyam life for about 5 years at that point, and one of the things has always loved most about me is my compassion. When I told him I was heavily considering the career change, he thought it was likely to be a perfect fit!

One thing I don’t like being asked is “oh, so your husband is ok with you doing this?” It implies that I belong to him and that he has to approve of all my decisions, which I don’t and he doesn’t. For me, being a supportive partner equals being honest about what you think about your partner’s decisions, but also never ever telling them what to do. I expect the same from my partners in return.

The question also implies that because I am married to him, he would be the only partner who cares about the decisions I make. I also have a girlfriend who I’ve been with about 5 years now, and while she would never try to make decisions for me she does care an equal amount. That’s what partners do, no matter your official relationship status in the eyes of the law and government. Or at least that’s what I believe!

My life has always been unconventional, and non-monogamy has been one aspect of that. I like to be open about the fact that I have partners with my clients because I want to fight the stigma and false idea that companions are lonely and unlovable. We all have different ways we relate to relationships, and different policies about what we will and won’t share with clients. Some companions are in monogamous relationships and don’t share that fact with clients, preferring to be seen as single. Others are single, and may or may not be looking for a relationship and may or may not share that with clients for numerous reasons. Many companions I know are non-monogamous like me, but I’ll never tell you their relationship status unless I know they’re open about it.

I think the most important thing to remember about your companion friends and whatever sort of relationships they might be in outside of work is this: ultimately, time spent with them is time spent between you and them alone, and precious for that reason. Don’t waste that time thinking about them with others! Unless of course you’re seeing more than one companion at once, our sharing a session with your partner! Which of course I would highly recommend.

What I'm Reading, Playing & Watching October 2018

I’ve been reading a lot of books, playing some games and watching some TV this October. Instead of reviewing just one selection for my blog, I decided to do a brief review on all of it!

Reading

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
I finished this one recently, and I actually watched the HBO series based on it at the same time I was reading it so I guess this counts as both a read and a watch. It was both an enormously entertaining book and TV series for me, but I feel a little bit complicated saying that because they’re both kind of sensationalist trash. Gillian Flynn likes to write about evil women, and many critics have accused her of being misogynist because of this. I don’t necessarily agree with this criticisms, I think they’re very feminism 101 and don’t acknowledge that woman can be just as capable of evil as men. But I do think Flynn’s work can be cliche in how it deals with feminine archetypes of mental illness and attention seeking behavior. Sharp Objects focuses on a dysfunctional family with a mentally unwell matriarch, and I found it both over the top and uh…. let’s just say somewhat relatable.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
After my successful run of daily reading with Sharp Objects, I decided to read another book that has also been turned into an HBO mini series. I’m about 70 pages into Big Little Lies, and I do also find it entertaining and easy to read. It’s not as relatable for me, though; a lot of the content so far has been about motherhood and small town gossip. I am especially not fond of the interjections from perspectives of other folks living in the small, Australian town of Periwee (they changed the location of the miniseries to Monterey, CA for uh idk what reasons. Budget? So no one had to do an accent other than Nicole Kidman, ironically doing an American accent when she is Australian?). I guess those interjections in the voice of characters no one cares about are actually something that most people love about the book, but I find them distracting and annoying and perhaps a little too real sounding.

The End of Policing by Alex S. Vitale
I got this book from the library and was reading it as I rode the elevator up to my apartment the other day, and the older white woman sharing the elevator with me actually felt so threatened by it she said “I don’t like the title of that book!” And thus began my absolute love affair with this informative piece of social science non-fiction. Of course, as someone who has chosen a career of ill repute, you might say my enjoyment of this book would have been guaranteed anyhow. But it is well-researched, well-written (a very important factor for me, as a dyslexic person) and offers up several suggestions for positive solutions or even, gasp, reform. I highly recommend this book to anyone, but especially those who don’t know much about the history of policing in the United States and globally. I didn’t know much about the history, and it is information worth knowing because it’s deeply disturbing, and answers a lot of questions about what’s wrong with policing today.

Playing

LA Noire Rockstar Games
I love that I am both playing this game and reading The End of Policing at the same time. I wouldn’t say LA Noire is full on cop propaganda— Rockstar Games does tend to take a more nuanced view of crime and punishment than average. But it’s not NOT cop propaganda, either, as it is primarily a nostalgia piece on the film noir genre. This game has a lot going for it in terms of story and acting (the game was actually acted out in live action by actors using motion capture), but as far as gameplay itself goes I find it a bit limited. There’s not enough action to fully satisfy me. I keep coming back for more, though, so I must like it ok! I’ve almost completed my first play through of it.

Dr. Mario Nintendo
I don’t know what happened to me, but I cannot stop playing Dr. Mario since Nintendo recently released it as part of a package of NES games you can play on the Switch (if you pay for their damn membership, of course!). The last time I played this game I was about 9, I think, and really bad at it. So I’ve enjoyed having a kickass strategy for it as an adult, I suppose! I’ve reached level 20 AND BEYOND!

Watching

Sharp Objects HBO
See above, my review of the book is very similar to the series. My only addition here is that I have a crush on Amy Adams and she’s great in the role of Camille Preaker.

The Haunting of Hill House Netflix
I’m 5 episodes into this halloweeny horror series and I am obsessed and addicted. It does a wonderful job of drawing the metaphor between classic concepts of haunting and the more internal struggle many of us deal with the “haunting” of trauma. The acting, story, and sets are all amazing. I hate the opening sequence, though— sometimes I will watch a show entirely because the opening sequence excites me, but that is not the case here. I also hate the way the Crain family treats the youngest siblings, twins Nell and Luke, but that is definitely an important aspect of the story! And the portrayals of the older family members and their dick behavior are not overly sympathetic.

Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath Hulu
I’m not actually watching this, my partner is, but that is also a lie because if I’m not doing something else while he’s watching it then I can’t seem to tear myself away from it! Similarly to Sharp Objects I would also put this in the very good and engaging overly sensationalized trash category. I’m very glad Remini and others are speaking out about Scientology, so don’t get me wrong! It just makes me feel a little sick to hear them go over the abuses they endured over and over again as a part of Scientology, and yet I can’t stop being curious about these abuses and thus I personally feel like trash for my morbid fascination.


So that’s what I’ve been reading, playing and watching this October! I’d love to talk about any of these shared media interests with y’all if you’ve read, played or watched them as well.

Fly Me To You!

One of the reasons I got into professional companionship was my love of travel, in addition to an actual need to be able to travel with some regularity since I was embarking on a long distance relationship when one of my partners moved to the East Coast from Boulder. For many years I toured DC and New York, as well some other locations in Arizona (where my sister and friends live) and the Bay Area (where everyone lives). Then I decided to move to DC, both to be closer to the aforementioned partner and to make touring the East Coast easier.

I still love to travel, but… my body seems to like it less the older I get, unfortunately. I actually haven’t toured as much as I’d like to this year, due to a lot of factors but some of them have to do with the fact that I get terrible insomnia in any bed that’s not my own. Also, with the recent legislation put through the US congress and the loss of many advertising platforms, it is harder to get business while on tour. Which makes it less of an investment and more of a panic to profit (I almost always do, but it feels less worthwhile in the long run).

This has led me to decide that I am very likely not to tour this fall, 2018. I’ve made declarations like this before and then gone back on them— notably last fall when I decided not to tour and then 2 weeks later decided to go to New York for a photoshoot (heavily featured on this site, thank you Blue Egg Boudoir!). Something like that seems likely to happen again, but damnit I’d kind of like to stay home with Beans, Tater and my roommate lover. I’d like to finally feel like I can take some time to get to know my new city better, as well— touring can be very discombobulating, and I still don’t feel like my home now is my home.

I am always available for Fly Me To You appointments, though! Even with all this travel weariness, I can always make it happen if the opportunity is right. I will travel to any city on the east coast for 4+ hour appointment, plus travel and accommodations. And I will come anywhere else in the US for an overnight or longer, plus travel and accommodations. Email me any time at kittykarlyle@protonmail.com to get a quote, or if you have any questions about my Fly Me To You Services. I am available for international travel as well.

Looking forward to meeting many of you all over the globe, but hopefully some of you in DC over the next few months :D

Pet Appreciation Post

My friends communing over scents.

My friends communing over scents.

If you are on twitter or switter, one thing you may have noticed about many of the sex workers you follow is that we love our animals! I am certainly no exception. I was raised a cat person by cat people, but also have a deep love and appreciation for dogs. I'm really just an animal person- I've had gerbil, hamster, lizard, fish, and rat friends over the course of my life!

My current fur companions are Beans, a red tabby long-hair cat, and Tater, a geriatric Boston Terrier. I have had Beans since she was a kitten, and adopted Tater when he was 11 (he is now 15). I have a soft spot in my heart for older dogs who need a little extra special care- Tater needed to have companions who could be with him 24/7 because he is extremely needy and anxious, and since my partner and I both "work from home" we were perfect candidates to adopt him. He is a huge pain in the ass and smells terrible, and is also just about the most perfect thing on the planet. We have no idea how much longer he'll be with us on the earthly plane, but he still has a ton of energy and seems pretty healthy other than being mostly blind and deaf.

Beans is now 11, so getting up there in years as well but also a perfect picture of health. Well, she's chunky but I refuse to accept that her extra girth has any bad effects on her health. She is playful, furry and shiny. Most of all, she is super duper sweet! She loves to sleep around my head at night, sort of like a big orange cat crown. She especially loves ear and cheek scritches, but like any cat also loves a good back at the base of the tail scritch and thump. She likes to go outside but only for a few minutes because she spooks easily. She likes to get brushed and doesn't mind going to the vet, which is very unusual.

Beans and Tater did not get along well when we originally brought Tater home- in fact, Beans hid in the bedroom for 6 months before finally taking over the house again. I think she must have learned at some point that she could actually boss him around, and then felt fine. She weighs 5 more pounds than him! They get along well enough now, by which I mean they mostly ignore each other. But they do sometimes play and will occasionally share a cushion with one another, though I wouldn't call it "snuggling." Tater tries to eats Beans food so we have to put it up higher than he can jump, but she is very respectful of his food and/ or thinks it's disgusting and won't have anything to do with it.

I generally really like and trust people who are also animal lovers, so I wanted to write about animals so that you might like and trust me more! If you ever have me over to your place and have animals, please do not hesitate to introduce me to your furry friends! I love every single animal on the planet and will love yours, too!

Video Game Review: Octopath Traveler for Nintendo Switch

As a child of the 80s, I am a huge fan of JRPGs (Japanese Role Playing Games). The Final Fantasy series of RPGs is probably one of the best examples of a JRPG, which grew in popularity in the west in the 80s and 90s due to wide availability of the Nintendo Entertainment System and Super Nintendo Entertainment System. The first JRPG that really captured my heart was Final Fantasy 2 (it was actually FF number 4 in Japan, but only the 2nd FF release in the US and thus titled FF2 here). I loved the turn-based system that allowed me plenty of time to think about what my next move in battle would be, vs. the button mashing play style that was involved in so many other action and adventure games I had played up to that point. But even more I loved the story in FF2, about a "Dark Knight" who rebels against his evil king to become a "Paladin," and save the world from his (spoiler alert) brother, 4 arch fiends and a malevolent alien from the moon. In hindsight, the story is confusing and poorly translated, but it was enough to launch a life-long obsession for me!

When I heard that Square Enix, the same company that produces Final Fantasy titles, was going to be releasing a retro JRPG, you best believe I counted down the hours until Octopath Traveler became available for download on July 13th. I've been playing it every day since and I LOVE IT. I cannot recommend this title enough for those who love classic JRPGs. Most video game reviews I've read will break down what they love and hate about a game in great detail, but I'm just a professional companion who loves video games and doubt most of you reading this play them a ton? So I'm just going to be brief with what I love about it, and what I feel could use improvement.

What I Love:

  • 4 strong female characters (in addition to 4 strong male characters)
  • 1 SEX WORKER character (though I think her story would be just as good if it wasn't a typical exploitation narrative, more on that in what could be improved)
  • Lots of jobs/ classes/ roles, and flexibility with said jobs
  • Easy to understand battle system
  • BUT is shakes it up from a traditional battle system a bit
  • Different, detailed story lines for each of the 8 characters
  • Retro graphics! But with some modern details and very artfully done
  • "Path Actions" add an interesting new element for interacting with NPCs (non-player characters)
  • Tons of hours of game play- I'm at nearly 70 hours and am only just now completing the last chapters in the journey


What Could Be Improved:

  • Some of the story lines are cheesy and cliche-ridden. As mentioned above, the story of Dancer Primrose is especially disconcerting to me as a sex worker. Sex worker stories can be told without exploitation always been a theme- you can even have dark elements of sex work in a story line without exploitation! I do quite like the stories of the Apothecary Alfyn and the Merchant Tressa, though
  • Battles take a long time, especially toward the end of the game
  • Lots of grinding is necessary to get character levels up
  • Money is difficult to come by, though once you get the hang of using Tressa's skills as a merchant it becomes easier
  • Weapon and armor optimization doesn't always choose what I find to be the most optimal weapons on armor (I like high defense and smashy weapons, but the game will often choose armor high on elemental defense or damage, or that has a good balance between stats)
  • I get sick of the music sometimes, though in the games defense it does change up the battle music as you move into more difficult areas of the game. The music is very well done, too, I just don't like the repetitiveness
  • You need to be highly leveled up to gain the special job classes in the game, and I don't think I will be able to gain these classes until I've defeated most of the bosses which makes them kind of pointless


    I am crazy for this game, though. I already feel sad about the prospect of finishing it soon! I am not sure it will have good replayability for me, but I can see picking it up again several times in the future as I have done with so many of my favorite JRPGs! I give it a 49/ out of 50 dildos. Yes, I just decided this is my video game rating system.

Mature Companionship

I began my career as a professional companion at 31, which I've come to understand is a little late to enter the industry. It has been 6 years since that fated night in late July when I took my first appointment. As I left the downtown Denver hotel where I met that first client, I saw a praying mantis on the sidewalk- a somewhat rare insect to spot on the arid streets of Denver, Colorado! I took it as a sign of good fortune and prosperity. As I skipped back to my car, giddy off the money I had just earned in exchange for an hour of my time, I knew I had found at least one of my callings in life.

Now 37 years old, I don't necessarily consider myself to be "mature." I still waste too much time playing video games, I still can't keep a plant alive, and I have a very strong distaste for organization and order. But when it comes to the skills I use as a companion, I do have a wealth of experience! Personally, I am very happy I entered the industry in my 30s, as I don't think I would have done well with it in my 20s. No shame at all toward other providers anywhere on the spectrum of human age- I often lament missing out on all the money I could have made in my 20s! Just saying that if I think I  am immature now, I can't even begin to describe the level of my naivete and ingenuity in my 20s! I did do a brief stint as a dancer and cam girl when I was about 20 or 21, and neither lasted very long due to how easily discouraged I was. Plus I think I was always destined for independent business ownership, anyhow. I hate having anyone else take any cut of my earnings!

So much has changed in this industry in the 6 years I have been doing this, but the amount of control over my time and freedom to live my life as I wish has remained a constant. I've never been the sort of person to have any regrets, but my decision to become an indy companion in my 30s is one of the top best decisions I've ever made. I plan on expanding more upon how much I consider time to be the most precious commodity in my life in further blog posts, but what I will say for now is that I was deeply depressed and discouraged before figuring out how to free myself from the 40 (60) hour work week. My mental and physical health have both continued to improve steadily over the past 6 years! I am so incredibly grateful for that.

To me, being a mature companion means I have the experience and knowledge that equal confidence in my skin and in my decisions. Professional companionship has been a precious gift in my life, and I give about zero fucks what anyone else thinks about that. Giving zero fucks has always been my way, though, even when I was younger! It's just that at my age I now know that I have always been right to have that level of self-assurdness.